말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다

ma-ri go-wa-ya deut-neun ma-ri gop-daproverb
Kind words beget kind responses

말 한마디에 천냥 빚도 갚는다고 하잖아. 그러니 말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다는 말이지.

They say even a debt of a thousand nyang can be repaid by a single word. That's why kind words beget kind responses.


What It Really Means
The way you communicate with others shapes their response toward you; kindness in speech fosters kindness in return.
Literal Meaning
If your words are beautiful, then the words you hear will be beautiful.
Literal Breakdown
말이 고와야If your words are beautiful+듣는 말이 곱다the words you hear are beautiful
Mental Image
Imagine two people speaking to each other. If one person speaks gently and kindly (like a soft breeze), the other person is more likely to respond in a similar gentle manner. The metaphor extends to the idea that beautiful speech creates a beautiful exchange.
When to Use
At a family gathering where a heated argument starts. An elder might intervene and say, '말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다는 말이 있어. 조금만 차분히 이야기해 보자.' ('There's a saying that kind words beget kind responses. Let's talk calmly.')
Cultural Note
This proverb is deeply rooted in Korean traditional values, particularly the Confucian ideal of harmony (화합, hwahap). It reflects the belief that personal interactions should be guided by mutual respect and consideration, avoiding harsh or aggressive speech.
formal

The way you speak to others influences how they respond to you; treating others with kindness encourages them to be kind in return.

상대방이 화를 내면 나도 화를 내기 쉽지만, 말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다는 말처럼 차분히 대화를 이끌어 나가야 해.

If the other person gets angry, it's easy for me to get angry too, but as the saying goes, 'kind words beget kind responses,' so I should calmly guide the conversation.

직장에서도 말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다는 말이 통한다. 부드러운 말투가 동료들과의 원활한 소통을 돕는다.

The saying 'kind words beget kind responses' holds true at work too. A soft tone of voice helps smooth communication with colleagues.

Often used to emphasize the importance of polite and considerate speech in social interactions.

Related Phrases

말 한마디에 천냥 빚도 갚는다고 한다proverb
A single kind word can repay a debt of a thousand nyang (an old Korean currency unit), emphasizing the power of words.
입이 고와야 귀가 고운 법proverb
The ear hears what the mouth says, implying that polite speech leads to polite reception.

Pro Tip

Practical Application

Use this proverb to gently remind someone to speak kindly, especially in tense situations. For example, '말이 고와야 듣는 말이 곱다는 말이 있어. 조금만 부드럽게 말해 볼래?' ('There's a saying that kind words beget kind responses. Could you try speaking a little more gently?')

Gold Rule

Cultural Context

This proverb reflects Korea's cultural emphasis on harmony (화, hwa) and mutual respect. It aligns with the Confucian principle of reciprocity in relationships.

Word Origin

The proverb originates from traditional Korean wisdom emphasizing the reciprocity of speech. It reflects Confucian values of harmony and mutual respect in communication.

Usage Notes

Commonly used in both personal and professional contexts to encourage polite and respectful dialogue. Often cited in advice about conflict resolution or relationship-building.

Word Breakdown

word/speech
noun
+
고와야
must be beautiful/kind (from 고와 + -아/어야, conditional)
adjective + suffix
+
듣는
heard/listened (present participle of 듣다)
verb
+
word/speech
noun
+
곱다
to be beautiful/kind
adjective
한영사전